Det er morgen. Klokken er 6.00. Mit telt er slået ned og min rygsæk er pakket. Det har været en varm nat. Lidt urolig. Jeg har sovet på en mark i ly af et skovbryn. Hedebølgen er over Frankrig. Den by jeg havde planlagt at proviantere i var nærmest lukket ned. Uddød som så mange andre af de små franske byer her i nord. Jeg endte med at spise på en parkeringsplads uden for et supermarked ved en motorvej. Ikke ligefrem charmerende.

Men her til morgen har varmen endnu ikke taget fat og det er godt vejr at gå i. Jeg har en lang rute foran mig. 35 kilometer i dag. Jeg skal gerne nå frem inden eftermiddagsheden overtager alt. De første timer er fyldt med ømme fødder og en følelse af, at jeg burde stoppe med at gå, hoppe på det næste tog og bare tage en måned på et rart hotel i en lille fransk by. Hvad fanden er det for et tosset projekt jeg har kastet mig ud i?

Men som timerne går og temperaturen stiger begynder meningen at indfinde sig. Som den gør det hver eneste dag. Der kommer luft omkring tankerne. Roen vokser. De ømme fødder og den tunge rygsæk bliver som gode venner. Og hverdagen hjemme i København står i et klarere lys.

Fire landegrænser

For et par måneder satte jeg mig for at vandre ned gennem Europa på en pilgrimsfærd efter nærvær. Og nu har jeg gået de første 1.000 kilometer. Og hvad så? Hvad gør det ved én at gå så langt?

Siden jeg forlod København den 2. juni har jeg krydset fire landegrænser, jeg har sovet på åbne strande og i dybe skove, på sofaer hos både venner og søde fremmede, på sovesale og på dyre hoteller. Jeg har passeret igennem fem millionbyer. Og jeg har følt mig både ovenud lykkelig og helt modløs.

Før summede jeg rundt som en lille bi

Da jeg traf min beslutning, summede jeg rundt som en lille bi. Men hvad er der så sket siden? Jeg kan jo starte med, hvad der ikke er sket. Jeg har ikke fået en stor åbenbaring eller et religiøst syn. Min rygsæk er ikke blevet let som et fnug – og da slet ikke de sidste timer af en dagsmarch. Og jeg har heller ikke opgivet håbet for, at vi kan genfinde nærværet i den offentlige sektor.

Til gengæld kan jeg sige med stor sikkerhed, at jeg ikke længere summer rundt som en lille bi. Med de mange kilometer i benene har indfundet sig en stor ro og et meget tydeligt nærvær. Min hjerne overbelastes ikke længere af daglige adrenalinudladninger eller endorfinskud. Min amygdale er rolig og tryg – og dermed også mit nervesystem. Jeg drikker ikke kaffe for at holde energien høj – selvom jeg egentligt har sovet lidt for lidt. Og jeg kan nøjes med at være et sted ad gangen. Både konkret og mentalt.

Og hvad er så den konkrete betydning af det? Når man stilner sindet? Det er der skrevet meget om. Særligt i mindfulness-traditionen. Men min egen oplevelse er særligt fokuseret på tre ting:

  • Opmærksomhed: Man lægger mærke til selv de mindste små detaljer. Både inde i én selv – og omkring én på ruten. Man bliver mere opmærksom på ens tanker, ens følelser og deres bevægelser. Og jeg opdager fugle, blomster, ændringer på himmelen og ansigtsudtryk på fremmede jeg aldrig ville have lagt mærke til på vej fra A til B i København.
  • Åbenhed: Man bliver mere åben, empatisk, tillidsfuld og imødekommende. Det er som om, at den daglige usikkerhed om, hvor jeg mon skal sove i nat, bliver mere og mere rolig inden i mig desto flere kilometer jeg går. Ligesom jeg oftere og oftere tager imod venlige invitationer om at sove i folks baghaver.
  • Luft omkring tankerne: Det er som om der kommer mere luft omkring tankerne. Små ubetydelige ting forbliver små og ubetydelige. Mens store og vigtige ting får perspektiv og bliver mere tydelige. Som om man kan se tingene mere oppefra. Fra et mere roligt sted med mere klarhed.

Man kan opnå disse kvaliteter på mange andre måder end ved at vandre. Bare man finder måder at stilne sindet. Jeg håber mange af jer har brugt sommeren på det, der stilner jeres sind mest muligt.

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